This was a post I wrote back in 2009, well before I started this blog. Looking back at some journal entries and previous notes, I notice a distinct pattern. Almost every 2 years, I journey into a more introspective self, drawing on experience to help personal growth and often facing unforeseen challenges. Am I doing something wrong because I can’t seem to “get it right?” – probably not, because every year has been an improvement of the previous one. If we aim for stagnation, we have lost our purpose in life. 

21 July 2009.

We can never predict what our future holds, what is in store for us… but I do believe that we have some control over our decisions, and can direct our lives to a certain extent until – we’re no longer in control.

I see life starting off as a still puddle, serene, unmoving. Then, just as pebbles are dashed or dropped into the puddle…chain reactions begin. Suddenly, the puddle is intermittently animated.

Sometimes it rains.

The puddle overflows, but the water spills to nourish the greenery below…just like in our lives, or mine – at least…I’d like to be able to picture that puddle, and each pebble; each raindrop.

I pretend to know where they are going, what sorts of splashes they will make. How big those rings echo through the water’s surface until they dissolve to the periphery.

…So what am I getting at with this piece of random writing? (Without the influence of alcohol! Maybe this is TRUE inspiration…)

I guess there are some things I wish I knew, I wish I could control. But at the same time, I love testing myself, getting surprised, trying out some new things – walk out of my boundaries now and again… but I always manage to find my way back…or so I hope. Life can be as easy as ‘Yes’ – but it never is…sometimes – that – depends on other people.

And, of late, it’s been great – every moment, I cherish. As I write this, I am already thinking of who I would share it with…and I’d feel fortunate if you even glanced at it.

…I picture the pebbles that fall into my puddle, knowing they are falling into the unknown. I take comfort and solace in the realisation that they’re headed – Somewhere.

 

A good friend responded: 

“Be patient towards all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and books written in a very foreign tongue.

Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given to you because you would not be able to live them.

And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now.

Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, and live along some distant day into the answer.”

– Rainer Maria Rilke